Vacationish

So, I guess I forgot the Sunday Poem again. Blame Ma and Pop Pimms, who were in town to see me act (they never get tired of that shit!).

And now I'm off to New York City* to bring some Midwestern high culture to the intellectual desert that is the East Coast (see what I did there?) so, unless I meet R. Pat in person or something equally momentous happens, there will be no blogging for awhile.

Talk amongst yourselves.

*Whenever I say that, in my head I hear those salsa comercial cows cry "Moo York City!?!?"

Anyone?

Cows?

Salsa?

Do kids today even know about those commercials?

----
Kitty Pimms
Sent from my iPhone

My New Acting Strategy

According to A.V. Club critic Nathan Rabin:

In the late ’80s and early ’90s, [Nicolas] Cage’s primary criteria for choosing roles seemed to be:

How ridiculous will my accent be? Will it sound like a dialect never spoken by anyone, ever, in the history of time?

How about facial hair? Can it look like fake hair haphazardly placed on me by a blind man with an odd sense of humor?

Will I be called upon to shamelessly overact or go completely fucking nuts?

I've totally got the first one going on in Comedy of Errors and the last one in Julius Caesar, (though no one will ever let me have facial hair).

But I think that I need make a greater effort to cram all three into every role I play.

The whole article is pretty hilarious.

Update

So. someone sent me a link to a gallery of Twilight inspired tattoos, which I am not even going to dignify with a rant. Suffice it to say, if you're old enough to get a tattoo, you should be old enough to know better.*

In other news, The Gothic Novel has been updated again, with a two new chapters and some slight formatting changes to make it easier to read maybe. However, there's something strange going on with the "previous" and "next" links that I'm in the process of fixing, so be aware that they might just whisk you off somewhere you don't want to be.

*Than to get a Twilight one, that is. I got no beef with tattoos in general. I have four myself, each more awesome than the last.

Observe:

Now that's a tattoo!

Mesmerizing

...if you ever want to turn your brain off for a little while, just take a look at this.

Happy Sunday!

Love,
Kitty Pimms

Sunday Poem

Caju Rain
Marcia Theophilo

Is it raining? It's raining caju:
soft waves of vermillon and yellow.
When Itajuba attracts a variety of trills, warbles
and other sounds
with trumpets, whistles and trocanos
we shall hug each other, Kuambu.
It's caju time, juice everywhere
fruits falling into our arms
in the month of September
Is it raining? It's raining caju.
In October the chestnut eyes
in your mouth, you feel my breasts
in your hands, downpours of love
flow of the river, fertility
of soil and of women, is it raining?
Caju rain invades your body
your blood, fire running
down your throat, rhythm in your hands.
"This is a little hammock"
and we'll remember
the Kaapos, the Tukanos
the Mundurukus, the Tupinambas
of the past.
Even the highest fruits are falling
at your feet, waterfall echoes
and juice are running on your lips
Is it raining? It's raining caju.

Comments!

The word on the street is that my comments aren't working! I have heard this from nigh on five people, which is three more than I even thought read my blog. And I get the impression those three mostly want to post impassioned defenses of You Know Who and his hideous hair.

Rest assured, hoardes of readers! I am working on this comment problem as dilligently as a very, very lazy person with little-to-no knowledge of programing can!

In the meanwhile, here is a graph I've made of my readership, based on this new information:
Advertisers take note!

New Art!

A portrait of my friend Esmerelda FitzMonster*, circa 2002.

And, me, circa a few minutes ago.

*Not her real name

The Gothic Novel

Chapters 1-5 have been spruced up a bit with some new words.

In Lieu of a Sunday Poem

Here are the lyrics to "Total Eclipse of the Heart"*

Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely
and you're never coming around

Every now and then
I get a little bit tired
of listening to the sound of my tears

Every now and then
I get a little bit nervous
that the best of all the years have gone by

Every now and then
I get a little bit terrified
and then I see the look in your eyes

Every now and then I fall apart
Every now and then I fall apart

Every now and then I get a little bit restless
and I dream of something wild

Every now and then I get a little bit helpless
and I'm lying like a child in your arms

Every now and then I get a little bit angry
and I know I have to get out and cry

Every now and then I get a little bit terrified
but then I see the look in your eyes

Every now and then I fall apart
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Every now and then I know
You'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Every now and then I know
You'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am

Every now and then I know
There's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Every now and then I know
There's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do

Every now and then I fall apart
Every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can say
Total eclipse of the heart

*Why? Because tonight while doing karaoke I realized; not only are these lyrics ridiculous to the point of being sublime, but I'm pretty sure Twilight is actually based on this song.

Which I guess could explain the Hair Issues I was discussing the other day, because Seriously:

Moving!

All afternoon, I've been packing my crap and loading it into my dad's car while he sits on my patio reading his Kindle.

Just wanted the whole internet to know about that.

In other news, my friend referred me to a BBC series called "Being Human" which is about a vampire, werewolf and ghost who live together and try to blend in with normal society. Based on the few episodes I was able to (TOTALLY LEGALLY) watch online, it is campy fun on the Torchwood level.

However, I have one strong objection. See if you can guess what it is based on this picture:


Dear Producers of Vampire-Related Media,

Despite what Twilight may have lead you to believe, vampires are allowed to comb and wash their fucking hair.

Observe:

Dracula


Barnabas Collins*


David Bowie!

Even in the 80s, vampires managed to have decent hair (Kiefer Sutherland's mullet in The Lost Boys totally worked in context**)!

Remember when Gary Oldman played Dracula, and he had a butt on his head? I once thought that was the low point in the history of vampire hair. But, thank you, Twilight, you have proved me wrong.

In conclusion, stop ruining vampires!***

I am too old to switch my allegiance to another preternatural species!

Love,
Kitty Pimms

*By the way, I discovered the other night that the cheesetacular 1990s revival of "Dark Shadows" is available to watch instantly on Netflix. It was the first TV show I ever watched ironically, learning sarcasm at the feet of the great Momma Pimms.

**IT TOTALLY DID

***The True Blood creative team is exempt. If you watch that show, I'm sure you know why they have a hair-related lifetime pass.

Two Vomit-Inducing Love Stories

40 Years after Woodstock, this couple is still together:


And even worse: Lost love letter reunites couple after 16 years

I mean, really. That sort of thing doesn't actually happen.

Probably both of these couples are fighting over, like, toothpaste right now.

Sunday Poem

Flavius's Girl; To Flavius
Gaius Valerius Catullus

Flavius, unless she were unpretty and inelegant, you would want to speak
of your darling to Catullus and you wouldn't be able to keep quiet, but
you love some feverish harlot. You are ashamed to admit this. For your bed
shouts that you, vainly quiet, do not lie for empty nights fragrant with
garlands and Syrian ointment, and the bolster equally worn away on this
side and that, and the creaking and movement of your shaking bed. There's
no point in being quiet about your debauchery. Why? You would not reveal
such tired from debauchery flanks unless you were up to something silly. Therefore
tell us whatever you have, whether its good or bad. I want to describe you
and your love to the sky in my nice little verse.

A (Very) Short Play

POPCORN GIRL AT THE THEATRE WHERE WE WENT TO SEE HARRY POTTER: Are your hands... orange?

ME: Oh, yeah. It's just stage blood.

POPCORN GIRL: [creeped out] Oh...kay..?

ME: [baffled, because what if I had some mysterious skin ailment that caused my hands to look orange and was sensitive about it?]

FIN

Wait, what?

You may have noticed that my blog is now backward. I've been experimenting with different layouts, trying to find one that will let me imbed videos properly (so they don't get all cut off at the edges).

I'm not happy with the backwardness, but the video problem is solved, so... we'll see.

I also fixed up my "Drawing" pages at Girlish Whimsy so they look a little nicer, I hope.

I want to figure out a way to work this into the Menu design:



But that will require more thought, and I have a play to do right now.

Yes, I am Jumping on this Bandwagon

So, now that this market has been opened up, I'm pretty I need to exploit it. Perhaps I'll focus on Dickens.

Anyone interested in Oliver Twist, but With Werewolves?

Bastille Day

Liberté, égalité, fraternité!
Ça ira

Another Open Letter

Dear iTunes,

It has come to my attention that you may not be sure of the definition of the word "sexy."



Please take a long, hard look at yourself, a long hard look at this, and mend your ways at once.

Love,
Kitty Pimms

P.S. You've also clearly confused McDreamy with McSteamy (Patrick's the sensitive one), and even Brad Pitt's most ardent admirers have got to be turned off by that Benjamin Button shit.

Post 101!

Happy 101st Blog Post To Me!

You're probably feeling nostalgic about all the great times we've had over the last few months, addressing such diverse topics as conceptual art, education reform, why dinosaurs are awesome, and how much Twilight sucks. I bet you're thinking to yourself, "I sure wish Kitty Pimms had made a snazzy 3D pie chart of her most popular blog topics to aid my reminiscences."

Your wish is my command!


Now I bet you're wondering "How is Kitty going to celebrate this auspicious day?"

Why, by shirking work, my good reader!

Not only did I pause my costume making to create exciting champagne graphics and pie charts, I also spent a good portion of time making myself nifty headbands out of fabric scraps.



And then drawing pictures of myself wearing them.

And then blogging about it.

Productive!

New Gay Companions(-ish)

A friends drew my attention to these fairy-tale playing cards from the 19th century.

Despite several minutes of half-assed internet searching, I was unable to figure out which fairy-tale was supposed to be depicted in any of the suits, so I went ahead and made up my own.

I put it with the Gay Companions because it's the same sort of found-image-word-collage-thing. Which is the totally accurate and technical term. Tell your friends.

An Open Letter

Dear Giles from Buffy,*

What the crap are you doing in this Merlin abomination? I just tried to watch it and literally could not stand it for five minutes.

I mean, come on, man. You're Giles! Surely there's something British and classy that needs doing... Isn't there some Dickens adaptation you could be staring in?

You know what? I'm not even angry. I'm just disappointed.

And why, in this sort of production, do the grungy little marketplaces outside the castle always have a stand selling oddly shaped baskets? Were weird baskets really in such high demand among the peasants of pseudo-historical Britain? They don't seem to be useful for anything other than decor... Are these stands like the Ye Olde Pier One? And if so, how do they make any money, when the people are all starving and oppressed?

Seriously. Get it together, man.

Love,
Kitty Pimms

*Yes, I know you have a real name. Shut up.