Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts

Monday, June 15, 2009

What the Crap?

I just read an article in the New York Times about a middle school getting rid of academic tracking. It suffers from the pointlessness problem that plagues the NY Times (because haven't we been pretty sure since the 80s that the sort of tracking they're talking about doesn't serve anyone well?), and there is plenty that I could say about the whole "just shove everyone together in the middle" philosophy they seem to be advocating.

But instead, I chose to continue my tradition of singling out random quotes to make fun of:

The other day in Jamiya’s newly mixed social studies class, students debated who was to blame in an ancient Roman legal case in which a barber shaving a slave in a public square was hit by a ball and cut the slave’s throat. At one point, Jamiya was the only one in the class of 25 to argue that it was the slave’s fault because he sat there at his own risk — which the teacher said was the right answer.


How the fuck is that the right answer? That is the most ridiculous victim-blaming I've ever heard. Don't blame the douche playing ball in a crowded square, don't blame the guy with a deadly, sharp thing pressed against another person's throat, blame the person who was just sitting there? And do we even know if it was the slave's idea to get shaved? Maybe his owner was like "Get thee to the square, sirrah, for thy face is bristled unbecomingly!"*

Perhaps this is just shoddy reporting, and the teacher actually said that that is what the Roman court decided, which I suppose they may have done so as not to make the ball-man or the barber responsible for replacing the slave.

But whatever the case, what is the logic behind using this specific example to illustrate all the great new learning every one's getting now that the classes are integrated? I think the point was to illustrate how this girl who wouldn't normally have been in the "smart" class was the only one who could think outside the box, though really it just makes me want to take little Jamiya out for ice cream and explain to her that when random, horrible things happen to a person, it's not that person's fault. If we're using her as an example of how economic disadvantages were more responsible for kids getting placed in the lower performing classes than actual intelligence, it's double sad. Because by the logic that the teacher reinforced as correct, it was her own damn fault she was in the bottom percentile in the first place.

All that said, I wish we'd discussed things like that in my middle school social studies class. Though I probably would have just sat in the back, afraid to open my mouth and draw attention to myself, because in the past, exerting myself academically never turned out well. It mostly resulted in being constantly paired with the most troublesome students in the class in hopes I would rub off on them, or something (why, why do teachers persist in thinking that's a good idea? it sucks for both kids so much!), or in being assigned to grade the other students' tests (why? why?) or in being told "Kitty Pimms, will you put your hand down, we know you know the answer!"

Okay, I've got the time to get into this. Here's why "just shove everyone together in the middle" doesn't make for good educations; because really smart kids need as much extra help as really not-smart kids.

In fact, to put it more accurately and much less meanly, instead of thinking of kids on a spectrum of smartness we should be thinking of kids on a spectrum of "academic engagement" (or some less stupid-sounding thing). Then we have, on one end, kids who for whatever reason don't give much of a crap, who aren't engaged because the material is too hard or too easy for them, or because they have problems at home, or because the subject doesn't interest them. In the fat part of the curve are kids who are reasonably engaged; they're doing fine because get the material themselves or have support systems at home to help them, they work hard enough to improve, they basically like what they're doing. Finally, on the other end, there are kids that are hyper-engaged; they're focused on the subject to the exclusion of the rest of their lives, they consistently perform much higher than average for their age, they want to delve further into the material than the curriculum allows.

Thinking about it this way, you can see where the un-engaged kids and the hyper-engaged kids are going to be the same kids a lot of the time. So, to really make this thinking work, kids have to be evaluated differently in every subject. Then I, as a kid, would have been simultaneously in the "top" group in reading/writing, in the "bottom" group in math, in the middle group in art, etc. I wouldn't have been sitting in the back of the class reading Jane Eyre while everyone else was still plowing through whatever the McGraw-Hill reader had to offer that day. Nor would I have been in trouble a hour later because I still couldn't figure out how long division worked and obviously wasn't trying, because I was one of the smart ones.

Of course, I am well aware that this will never, ever happen, because it would cost a million-bajillion dollars to treat children as individuals. Not to mention that, while there's plenty of incentive to try to bring the lowest performers up to average, there isn't a lot of concern about keeping those with the highest potential from checking out (especially because they often still have higher-than-average scores even when not actually trying). In fact, there seems to be s suggestion that extra programs for "gifted" kids are some how providing those kids with some unfair privilege... Clearly, they should be down in the trenches, spreading their giant brains around to share, not in some ivory tower thinking they're better than everyone else. Which would be fine, if we weren't talking about, like, eight-year-olds.


*Based on the production of Julius Caesar I'm currently rehearsing, I'm pretty sure that's how ancient Romans talked.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Newt Gets in a Fight



A new Newt Story!


This one is especially for two-and-three year olds. I've been planning it for a while, but didn't have time to work on it until I moved up here. Come to find out, it is no longer as topical as it was: when I left, the kids were all about kicking each other's little butts, but now, two of them have Swine Flu. So, clearly I should have written "Newt Gets the Plague."

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Why My Car Is Awesome

I totally thought the new season of True Blood started this weekend, but alas, it does not.

However, on the HBO website there are many vampire-themed ads, including this one for my car:*



Mini Coopers: So cool, vampires would totally buy them.

In other things from my life randomly featured on the internet, this LOLcat:



Is hanging out in a Crèche that looks exactly like the one my family has trotted out every December since time immemorial.

Here's the way we like to trick it out, daycare-style:



*Okay, mine's not a convertible. In fact, I think Mini convertibles look really, really stupid with their tops up, and in Chicago there are an average of four days a year when it's not too hot, too cold or too rainy to have one's top down. Plus, when I open up my windows and sunroof it's practically a convertible. Also, they didn't make the convertible yet when I bought mine. Also, the Clubman is totally bullshit, with it's cute little half-door. I'm pretty sure all the really cool vampires drive 2003 Minis. Probably red with black tops. That smell like cigarettes and vegetable korma. 'Cause I got Indian food tonight and left it in my car for a couple of hours. I can't believe I'm still writing this footnote. I've gotta go to bed.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

More About the Crazy Teenagers

Apparently, they like to hug.

That's all well and good, I suppose. When I was in high school, we didn't go around hugging every five minutes, but I do remember feeling that even our mild level of hugging was a little much, so I suppose if I were a teenager now I would have many more words of annoyance to spend on the subject.

For the purposes of this post, however, I want to direct your attention to a quote from possibly the Worst Mother Ever:

“Maybe it’s because all these kids do is text and go on Facebook so they don’t even have human contact anymore,” said Dona Eichner, the mother of freshman and junior girls at the high school in Montvale.


Can I get a WTF?

It would be one thing if this was a quote from say, a "local crumudgeon" or "radical neo-luddite sepratist." But there is something very Not Right about the parent of a pair of teenagers complaining about the socially alienated little creatures she's housing.

Maybe, as a human being, you might be able to provide some of that 'human contact' your kids are so lacking in? By which (I suppose) you mean physical contact, since obviously the internet is not the real world and all relations that occur thereon are void of meaning.

Which, when you think about it, makes you wonder why 'sexting' is such a big frickin' deal. Maybe it's not about prudishness at all. These freaked-out parents just want their kids to get together in person and do it the old-fashioned way.

Monday, May 25, 2009

A Rambling Post (sort of) About Sexting!

This is too, too hilarious:

Top 50 Text Acronyms Parents Need to Know

1 8 Oral sex
2 1337 Elite
3 143 I love you
4 182 I hate you
5 459 I love you
6 1174 Nude club
7 420 Marijuana
8 ADR Address
9 ASL Age/Sex/Location
10 Banana Penis
11 CD9
or Code9Parents are around
12 DUM Do You Masturbate?
13 DUSL Do You Scream Loud?
14 FB F*** Buddy
15
16 FMLTWIA F*** Me Like The Whore I Am
17 FOL Fond of Leather
18 GNOC Get Naked On Cam
19 GYPO Get Your Pants Off
20 IAYM I Am Your Master
21 IF/IB In the Front or In the Back
22 IIT Is It Tight?
23 ILF/MD I Love Female/Male Dominance
24 IMEZRU I Am Easy, Are You?
25 IWSN I Want Sex Now
26 J/O Jerking Off
27 KFY
or K4Y Kiss For You
28 Kitty Vagina
29 KPC Keeping Parents Clueless
30 MorF Male or Female
31 LMIRL Let's Meet In Real Life
32 MOOS Member Of The Opposite Sex
33 WYCM Will You Call Me?
34 MOS Mom Over Shoulder
35 MPFB My Personal F*** Buddy
36 NALOPKTNot A Lot Of People Know That
37 NIFOC Nude In Front Of The Computer
38 NMU Not Much, You?
39 P911 Parent Alert
40 PAL Parents Are Listening
41 PAW Parents Are Watching
42 PIR Parent In Room
43 POS Parent Over Shoulder or Piece Of Sh**
44 PRON Porn
45 Q2C Quick To Cum
46 RU/18 Are You Over 18?
47 RUH Are You Horny?
48 S2R Send To Receive
49 SorG Straight or Gay
50 TDTM Talk Dirty To Me


via The Hater

This chart could actually save teenagers a lot of time. Now, instead of texting the cumbersome "FMLTWIA" they could increase their sexting efficiency by just sending "16!"

Back in my day, when my friends and I were making sketchy plans over the phone (the landline, mind you... cell phones and internets were not readily available until my college days) and a parent sidled into the room, the accepted thing to do was loudly go "Um, excuse me! Privacy!" which signaled to your phonemate that an authority figure was present, so they wouldn't be baffled when you followed it up with something innocent-sounding like, "What did you get for number 22?" or "Wanna get together at the malt shop after the sock hop?"

But, seriously, are there parents out there unaware that by the time something filters down to a scare story on your local news you can pretty much garauntee your kids got over it at least 6 months ago?* Sometimes I suspect these things of being some sort of teenage conspiracy to makes sure their parents are looking exactly the wrong way to catch them in shady doings. Though, this one seems destined to lead down an uncomfortable road:

"Did you just text OMG? What does that mean? Openly Masturbate, Girl? Opulent G-spot Massage? You can tell me, I'm hip. Let's talk about contraception!"

Despite finding the presence of teenagers anywhere I want to be incredibly annoying, I'm somewhat proud of myself for being able to maintain some sympathy with them in theory.

I remember when I was about 15, I was all fired-up about the injustice of R-rated movies (the theatres in my town had just started enforcing the R-rating. The first film I was turned away from was The People vs. Larry Flynt, which I cannot now imagine wanting to see, but hey... youth). Why, I demanded of anyone who would listen, should I have to pay the "adult price" of $6.50 (and thems 1998 dollars!) when I was not allowed into "adult movies"?**

The overwhelming response of anyone over 17... "Meh."

At which point I would launch into speech about how nothing was ever going to get better because on one cared about the plight of the youth, even those who had been denied access to Larry Flynt right alongside me, but had their birthday the very next week, David!!***

And be met once again with a resounding "Meh."

But now, even though I just turned Twenty(cough) years old, I still totally think that anyone old enough to get to a movie theatre by themself should be allowed to see whatever they damn well please. Or that under-17s should have a special "no-good-stuff" rate.

I mean, I don't care a lot. But I'd provide a "right on" to any kid who wanted to rant about not being allowed into a movie. If I were put in the unfortunate position of having to talk to a teenager, that is. Which I hope does not happen.

I've had a lot of coffee and can't think of a way to end this post now.

Uh, TTYL!

(Does that mean "Taunting with Titties, Young Lover"? You can tell me, I'm hip!)

*Unless it's pot, kids never get over that. Your kids are totally smoking pot right now.

**A theory, I now realizes, which implies that adults are paying extra for extra profanity, which might not be a bad strategy for movies to adopt in These Tough Economic Times. If you don't want to pay $10 for your summer blockbuster, you could pay $5 for the edited-for-TV version where Samuel L. Jackson is constantly saying "Mellonhugger!"

***That's totally his real name! I wonder whatever happened to him? Good ol' purple-haired, bisexual David. Perhaps he has kids now...

Friday, April 17, 2009

Daycarin': It's hard work!


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Feral Children


I just watched the latest episode of Fringe (it's like the X-Files, but with that dude from Lord of the Rings), which featured a creepy bald kid psychic kid they found in a basement. "Inner Child" is the name of the episode, btw. In case you were wondering if that was meant to be a picture of my inner child, who actually looks like this.

In the "recap of the episode's influences" section (you know, the part where some smart type explains the historical precedent for the weirdness at hand) they mentioned several famous "feral children" of history, which reminded me of a book I had on the same subject that scared the crap out of me when I was younger.

In particular, there was a story about a girl from the pioneering days who was found in the woods and taken in by a young couple who had just lost their own child. Of course they tried to civilize her and make her wear dresses and what not. But when she heard wolves howling in the woods at night she would go crazy and try to get out of the house, so eventually they had to tie her up in the barn in order to get some sleep. And eventually, some people came to the house and found the young couple dead and chewed on and the girl nowhere to be found... but no one could say if the wolves had rescued her, or if she had escaped...

I was going to say I'd like to find that book again and see if it's really as frightening as I recall, but just typing that story creeped me out, so perhaps I'll let the book rest in whatever hole it crawled away to. Anyhoodle, the point is, I am easily disturbed by children behaving in creepy, non-childish ways (The Ring pretty much left me unable to sleep for my entire sophomore year of college). 

And speaking of feral children, we're going to have a house full of them tomorrow (twice as many as usual), and a schedule which includes two birthdays, egg dying, the music lady, and a special project with one of the parents.


So, if you happen to stop by later and find Linda and I half-eaten, the children did it.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Daycare


Wondermark never fails to amuse.

I've suggested several times that we draw upon the childcare expertise of Victoria orphanages and put the children to sleep with bottles of gin and water.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Newt's New Friend


A new Newt story.

This one is a birthday present for a girl who's turing three on Friday and getting a little sister any day now. 

I never liked how children's books about coping with a new baby always end with the big sister/brother having a sudden change of heart and realizing that having a younger sibling is great, with the implication that they then would live happily ever after, and no one would ever fight or feel jealous or left out or sad again.

I never had that heart-changing moment, and I've never met an older sibling who did. So in this book, it's okay to be nice to a new baby just to avoid getting in trouble.