Another Open Letter

Dear iTunes,

It has come to my attention that you may not be sure of the definition of the word "sexy."



Please take a long, hard look at yourself, a long hard look at this, and mend your ways at once.

Love,
Kitty Pimms

P.S. You've also clearly confused McDreamy with McSteamy (Patrick's the sensitive one), and even Brad Pitt's most ardent admirers have got to be turned off by that Benjamin Button shit.

I Have Not Words...

...to describe how awesome this is:



I'll just quote Jezebel's intro, because seriously. I have not words.

"In this brilliantly edited clip by Rebellious Pixels, Edward shows up at Sunnydale High and tries to put the moves on Buffy Summers, who sees right through his sparkly bs, shutting him down at every opportunity"

Some highlights:*

In the cafeteria part, there is a brief glimpse of Alice (from Twilight) and she totally has the same hair as Willow. It's fitting since Alice is the only Twilight character I mildly approve of.

The use of one of my all-time favorite Buffy quotes: "What are you doing? Here? At this table, talking to me, like we're some kind of talking buddies?" Oh, the many times have I wanted to say that (substituting "table" for "any place I go in my life").

The "Are you sure this isn't some fanboy thing?" line from "Buffy vs. Dracula": especially great because, had that episode happened within the last year or so, she totally would have said "Edward" instead of "Lestat"

And that reminds me: Some one in an A.V. Club discussion of the latest episode of True Blood** pointed out how the now-classic "brooding dark haired vampire+fun blonde vampire=good homoerotic times" was clearly at work, and attributed that convention to Buffy (Angle/Spike). Had I not been a good five days late to the discussion (having just totally legally watched that episode online), I would have had to point out in the most pompous manner possible that Angel and Spike are so obviously ripped off from Louis and Lestat... something that used to bug the crap out of me when Buffy first aired.

Aaaaaaand I'm going to just stop right there, because this may be the nerdiest post I've ever written. Which is an achievement.

*Perhaps the only downside is that I could identify which episode almost every one of those Buffy clips was from.

**Which was also pretty great... the vampires are really hitting it out of the park this week. UPDATE: The trend continues at Go Fug Yourself, where they say of Kristen Bell's outfit "That is saucy. I feel like this might be the uniform they put the waitresses in over at Twilight McLestat's Vampire Bar and Grille" and of Eva Green's "BLAAAAAAH. This woman is not particularly interested in draining the blood of the innocent, or interrupting the sleep of the just, or disturbing the dinner of the holy, or stealing the mail of the virgins, or trimming the bangs of the uptight, or anything even REMOTELY sexy and vampiric. And ergo, I have no use for her."

Top Five Things I will Pay to See in a Movie

1. Dinosaurs
2. Immaculately Stylized Quirkiness
3. Adaptations of Shakespeare
4. Vampires
5. Magical Otherealms

List-making. Is there anything more satisfying?

I feel like the stuff mentioned yesterday ("Catholic-themed creepiness" "Edwardian costumes" "people trapped on a spaceship with mysterious evil") would fall around #15 on the list... and in between somewhere there'd have to be space for Musicals set in the 19th Century, Knights, Ireland, Witty But Slightly Inept Criminals, Moody Loners in Northern Climes, Self-Destructive Yet Brilliant Artists, Zombies...

Honestly, there really isn't a lot I wouldn't pay to see in a movie... that list would probably consist mostly of actors I hate.

Anyway, there was going to be a point to this, but I'm distracted by how awesome a movie featuring all five of those things would be.

Perhaps Wes Anderson could direct a film, loosely based on The Tempest, in which a shipwreck lands our plucky heroine in a mysterious world of vampires and dinosaurs.

Some Randomness

We used to have one of those cheap plastic piano-rugs when I was a kid, and I could totally play the first dozen notes of Fur Elise on it, but then ran out of keys. If I were ever rich enough to be utterly ridiculous, instead of a bowling alley in my basement I would have one of these, with a full-sized pianosworth of keys.

(the "pianosworth" is a fabulous new unit of measurement I just made up, and might also double as my butler's name. Should I ever be rich enough to be totally ridiculous).

Also, enjoy some bug porn.



Finally, while browsing e-cards for various neglected friends and family members I came across this:


Which is totally true, as I dislike both Dan Brown and Tom Hanks with a pair of fiery passions, but also amuses me because I rather enjoy movies that rely heavily on the occultish aspects of Catholicism for eerie atmosphere. I was never more proud of my Catholic heritage in my goth days (though back then I was officially a pentagram-wearing pseudo-pagan). In grad school, I wrote many a paper on anti-papist plays and pamphlets of the 16th and 17th centuries. Basically, on the list of things I'll pay to see in a movie "Catholic-themed creepiness" comes just after "Edwardian costumes" and before "people trapped on a spaceship with mysterious evil."

I should actually make that list someday. Number one is definately "dinosaurs." But is number two "adaptations of Shakespeare" or "immaculately stylized quirkiness"?

Food for thought.

Guess What Disturbed My Sleep Last Night

It was just so... so messy.

I've always had a policy against watching movies that question the nature of reality right before bed. I shall now add "movie in which people live with raccoons" to that list.

Also, is that not the worst tag line ever?

Go Fug Yourself mocks is better than I could:

"Have you SEEN the tag line for Grey Gardens? It's something like, "the true story of Jackie O's incredible relatives." I'M NOT KIDDING. How freaking lazy is that? I mean, I guess it's DIRECT, but it's also BORING and doesn't seem to convey the idea that Drew is playing a woman who regularly wore her skirt on her head as a fashion statement. I'm serious. That needs to be better conveyed, and "Jackie O's crazy relatives!" doesn't do it. On the other hand, this would be an amusing trend. Like, "Terminator Salvation: Yeah, Yeah, This Is the Movie Where Bale Lost His Shit." Or, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: The Awesome One With All the Flashbacks and Stuff, But Be Warned BAD THINGS HAPPEN AT THE END.." (iv) I guess that doesn't have anything to do with the matter at hand, but I had to get that out."

I take their word for it about Harry Potter, because for some reason I do not remember that book AT ALL. Apart from the end, which I believe I knew before I read it, I could not tell you a single thing that happens in it. Though I distinctly remember waiting anxiously for my brother to finish it so I could have his copy. And hanging out at some sort of garden party at one point, watching this little kid sit in the corner and plow through like 500 pages of text. And the Simpson's episode where Homer makes up a fake ending for Lisa so she won't be sad, and says "No man should outlive his fictional wizard!"

I wonder if the fact that reading it coincided with the period in my life in which I was spending a lot of time under the influence of a certain mood altering substance which seriously needs to be decriminalized has anything to do with it?

"It's alright, if you like Easter Parades..."

Happy Easter!


Other than this song, I think the songs with/about Judy Garland are way lamer than the Anne Miller songs... "It Only Happens When I Dance With You"! That red dress beats the pants off Judy Garland dressed like a cute hobo.

And here I am in my Easter bonnet...

Sick of Extrapolating and Netflix reads my blog?

A BlogClassic Double Feature, with entires posted on 3/25 and 3/31, respectively

Sick of Extrapolating

A New Yorker cartoon which accurately captures my TV browsing feelings lately.

The best part is, if you’re a lesbian, you even get to feel that way in movies about “gay people.”

Because “gay people” is code for “gay men.”

And some one needs to figure out away to inform the Netflix recomendation-bot that just because I might occasionally enjoy a film about two girls discovering their forbidden love for each other one fateful summer doesn’t mean I automatically give a crap about two boys doing the same thing.

Which is why, no matter how stupid it was, I’m kind of sad The L Word is off the air. It was nice to have one hour a week in which lesbianism was the norm and they had to go out of their way to include a token guy in the cast.

Netflix Reads my blog?

Or so it would seem, as only a week ago I was complaining about the lack of lesbian-movie-specific recommendations (since the category “Gay and Lesbian” is mostly full of the dudes), and lo... their new, ridiculously specific categories offer me:

“Gay & Lesbian Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead”

I was also offered:

"Visually Striking Gay/Lesbian Drama"

"Critically-acclaimed Foreign Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

"Cerebral Independent Comedies"

"Romantic Movies from the 1980s"

add “BBC Mini-Series Based on 19th Century Literature” and that pretty much covers my movie preferences.

Color me both impressed and creeped out.