Oh, I'm Just Sitting Here in the Dark, Thinking About Vampires

Why is it so hard to get things done in the rain?

I had big plans for today. BIG PLANS!

But now, I'm just curled up on the couch with a cup of tea, staring into space and thinking, "In that episode of Buffy where the evil vampire Willow showed up, after they knocked out Evil Willow and decided that Good Willow should take her place, who actually switched the clothes? Because they totally went all out and even put Good Willow's pink tights on Evil Willow which is... intimate. Did Giles and Xander leave the room for this? I hope so."

EDITED TO ADD: The A.V. Club just got around to reviewing this episode, and there is an entire comment thread discussing the issue of whether or not one should put pink tights on unconscious vampires.

And also, "I read somewhere that the writers always knew that either Willow or Xander was going to be gay, but weren't sure which one, so when they did the episode with evil vampire versions of everyone, they gave both Evil Willow and Evil Xander gay 'tendencies' to keep their options open, which is interesting. I mean, everyone knows those slutty vampires will get it on with anyone because they transcend human concepts of sexual preference. But I'm interested in the writer's implicit assumption that vampire teenagers 'figure out' they're gay before human teenagers. And I wonder if there is a way to relate that to my own sexual figuring out, in which vampire literature played a large role. It both helped me to understand the concept of 'otherness' as something to be embraced, even desired (rather than hidden or avoided), and to understand sexuality as something more varied and complicated than 'his thing goes in your ladyparts, the end' which was pretty much all I'd gotten so far."

So now I'm thinking, "What will become of all the gay, goth teenagers out there, with Twilight all the rage?* What would I have turned out like, if at 13 my imaginary vampire love affair had been with Edward, rather than Lestat? Perhaps miserably married to my emotionally unstable high school boyfriend, since obviously love means never having a moment to yourself or making an independent desicion. Perhaps I would have spent my college years in a sort of premature spinsterhood, believing that I was in love with my best guy friend and unwilling to make a move lest it 'ruin the friendship,' all the while secretly fantasizing about the cool girl across the hall.** I hope those Twilight kids graduate quickly to Anne Rice, is all I'm saying."

Now my tea is cold.

*I sort of already posted about this.

**Perhaps I would have read any other books, ever? Yes, yes. Hyperbole for the sake of making a point!