I have many hands

Let's talk about clothes for a little minute.

I have a love/hate relationship with American Apparel.

On one hand, their designs are so simple I could pretty easily recreate most of their products on my sewing machine, which makes it hard to pay so much for them.

On the other hand, almost everything I buy there I wear constantly, so I guess I'm getting my money's worth.

On the other hand, they play loud and obnoxious music in their stores, which are frequented by assholes.

On the other hand, I just bought this skirt online for $9.

On the other hand, I have a compulsion to buy everything I like in multiple colors, even though I don't really need to. Who needs two circle scarves? My foolish heart is trying to tell me that I do, because olive is a better spring/summer color than black and would flatter my eyes and make everyone fall in love with me.

On the other hand, their clothes aren't made by exploited children.

On the other hand, I once wrote of their adds: "Why do they feel the need to put even their men's clothes onto naked, unwashed women? 'Observe how sexy this shirt will look on your bar skank the next morning, as she wanders around your apartment, glassy-eyed and still half-drugged, wondering what you to did to her last night and where her panties are.'"

On the other hand, I wish I had $50 to spend on their vintage sunglasses. I'd also buy one of those floppy hats, if I had the means.

On the other hand, this is not a dress:

And no sane person would ever walk around like that. Therefore, the ENTIRE SLIDESHOW of this young lady contorting herself to better show off her parts on your website is CREEPY. Shut up, American Apparel.

But on the other hand, it may just be the fact that I was playing Rock Band in Michigan until 3 a.m., slept on a couch, and then spent four hours on the road back to Chicago, but this "Thank You for Ordering" picture is actually kind of cute.